I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
