smell my finger.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
