i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
