she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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