I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
