if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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