you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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