got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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