Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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