the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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