it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
