why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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