I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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