Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
