I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
