ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
