yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
