so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
