well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
