I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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