we made out on top of his cat.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
