I bet he comes in French.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
