He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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