You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship