We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.