In the future we'll all be gay
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..