i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.