Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...