just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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