i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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