I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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