I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
