I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
