Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
