so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
