tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
