Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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