Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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