I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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