This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
