Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
North Korea, Best Korea!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just invented taco cereal.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
