If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
