we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
