i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
