ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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