we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
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What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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