Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
