so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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