My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just pee around me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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