I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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