I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
