I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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