he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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