3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
