Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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