just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
