You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
