The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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