I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
