Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
