Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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