blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's like iHOP with fire
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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