Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize