Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im part way to drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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