I feel great
I just peed on a car
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
