he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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