I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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