I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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