All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
